This is Jeopardy!
Last night, I tried to fulfill a longtime dream of mine and that is to be a Jeopardy contestant. I want to be the first person to ever win on Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy. It's kind of like the Merv Griffin Daily Double.
A couple of years ago I tried out for the show and missed it by two questions. Pissed and determined, I have been trying ever since unfortunately with no success. This year I decided to go in with no preparation to see if I could just wing it. WRONG! At PM I was sitting on my computer ready to type out answers to useless trivia questions with my awesome four finger typing style (who would have thought that the typing class I slept through in high school would actually be the only class that would be any use to me now.
I know, I know, there are the book nerds out there among my sexy readers who are screaming what about English and Math. Well if you are a reader of this site you see that english is definitely a second language when I write and hello Bill Gates invented spell check. Math, addition subtraction multiplying stuff, shit you learn that in the fourth grade. Long division doesn't count as math, that was created by the devil. Truth...you can look it up.
So I go to take this test and I breeze through the first 10 questions pretty easy, they have to do with politics and movies, I am good at those things. But then they got to throw in the Goddamn opera question and the only answer I know is Luciano Pavarotti (R.I.P.), and that was definitely not the answer to this man wrote his only opera (I can't remember the name) in 1803. Then there was the Ernest Hemingway question, there is always an Ernest Hemingway question. Problem was this time Ernest Hemingway was the answer and for the life of me I couldn't pull old Ernie out of my head. Which then messed me up for two questions in a row. Then there were like two more book questions which I missed, one was a self help book question and if you know me you know that the best thing a self help book can do is help you wipe your ass if you run out of toilet paper. Second question had to do with Jane Austin, not my favorite author in the world in fact she is not in my favorite 100 authors in the world and I really only know like seven.
Long and Short I think I did lousy, I only got to answer 42 out of 50 questions and for 2 of those answers I don't think my hairless white ass was the right answer.
