Tomorrow We Eat SanGwiches

A couple of Saturdays ago, I get back from the gym and my friend Melanie from Massachusetts called me to tell me that she had separated her shoulder while on the doctors table getting a breast exam. She had taken a couple of muscle relaxers and when she went to turn over on the table her shoulder popped out. 

Sad story, right? Well maybe for you, my sexy readers, but not me, I laughed my motherfuckin ass off. Revenge had come although it did take two years for it to arrive. Allow me to elaborate, two summers ago I was up at the cape with Melanie and we decided to go jet-skiing. Problem 1, there was only one jet ski. Problem 2 she wanted to drive.  OK I though to myself she drives, I ride bitch but I do get to cop a feel on her lovely new breast implants. WINNER. ME.

We ride around for a while and all of a sudden she makes a sharp turn at top speed that I wasn't ready for and I go tumbling off into the water and POP! goes my shoulder. The pain is blinding due to the life vest tugging on my shoulder further pulling it out of place. 

Mel comes sweeping around looks at me and tells me to get in. When I tell her what had happened, she answers with something like, "take your tampon out and get on the ski" Manhood challenged, I get on the ski with considerable pain as every movement causing shooting pain through my arm and chest. After what seemed to be a the most bumpiest ride ever, every bump was so painful that I started to laugh because of the shooting pain.  BTW my defense against intense physical pain is uncontrollable laughter. Masochistic, I know.

We get back to the dock and she says she has to go inside to put some shoes on so that we can go to the hospital and put my shoulder back into place. TEN MINUTES LATER! She comes out with her shoes, a cute sun dress that shows off her boobs and makeup.  I look at her with the biggest WTF faces in the history of WTF faces and she goes, "what if I run into someone I know."  My first thought was, don't worry it God will even this out somehow, somewhere.  So what did we learn from this? Yes I have supernatural powers.