Tomorrow We Eat SanGwiches

Last Thursday, I went to my second college football ever, The first one was the 2005 National Championship game in the Orange Bowl, long story I will not bore you with the details. However I will bore you with these. Rutgers against the #2 ranked University of South Florida Golden Bulls. 

1. Game was fun even though South Florida lost, I was in the South Florida cheering section which consisted of Me and Tom.  Tom was cheering wildly, I was keeping an eye out for any Rutgers fan who wanted to kick his ass.

2. The Rutgers fans (a few assholes spoil the soup) threw stuff at us, fortunately they would keep hitting the guy who happened to be standing between Me and Tom, so that was cool.

3. The hot and talentless Jenn Sterger and The hot and somewhat talented Erin Andrews were at the game, so you know it had to be a big game.  Erin was working the sidelines for ESPN and God knows what Jenn was working at the game.  All I know what that it wasn't me and yes I'm bitter. MOVING ON...

4. No alcohol inside the stadium cause it is on a college campus. (Oxymoron Alert!)  So that meant that Me and Tom had to shotgun about a six pack of beer apiece in 15 minutes just to get some kind of tailgate going. In case you were wondering, the beer was Coors.  (Jessica will be happy about that), and it tasted like crap. But it was cold and it was beer and when it is all said and done that is the most important thing isn't it? 

Posted by nelson57 at 06:59 AM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

And lets just say that it didn't go down quite like I had hoped it would. I leave work in the middle of a busy Friday to troop all the way to the blithe upon the earth Isle of Staten to go to traffic court for those 2 tickets I got in March. Having done the court thing a few times before I kinda knew what to expect, I was hoping that the cop wouldn't show up and I would be exonerated of my misdemeanors against the shitty fine borough of Staten Island (BTW I just realized that I got this crossing out words icon on my blog page so now I could use this as a release for my passive aggressiveness. Bear with me, I may only use this like a thousand or so more times) As they start to call the first case, in comes my accuser with the bravado of a bull fighter entering the ring against a bull who as already been drugged to the point that all he has to do is go in for the kill. He seems to be pretty popular, the judge and clerk knew him by his first name and he likewise. So I knew I was already in trouble. To further exacerbate my feelings of dread, everyone in the courtroom was there to plead there case against him, there was about ten of us in all.  

There were five cases heard before mine, all of them were found guilty. This guy was prepared, he was talking about how all of his machines were calibrated correctly. He talked about his patrol route, the weather and road conditions, his lines of sight. In other words I knew I was in for a fight. Everyone's defense was meager at best, hell I was waiting for someone to just use the Eddie Murphy defense and say, "Hey, it wasn't me!" just to see if it could fluster him a bit.

My name gets called and its the moment of truth, I walk up to the bench trying to give the cop my most menacing stare, exuding confidence. Officer whateverthefuckhisnameis does his spiel explaining how he saw me driving and tapping my brakes and that the traffic conditions were moderate so he found that to be strange so he pulled up alongside of me and that I happened to be tailgating a car in front of me on top of that I was yammering away on my cell phone.  Now for those of you who know me this is how I drive all the goddamn time so it is nothing new. I will admit that I was talking on my cell at the time so I decided not to fight that. and focus my defense on the tailgating.  

I ask the cop what car I was driving and what car I was tailgating and he answered both questions. This cop is good, hell I didn't even know what car I was tailgating. I asked him how fast was I going? He said, "50-55 miles per hour" You can only be tailgating if you are going over 45 another correct answer. Finally I said to him, "Hey are you sure it was me?" WHAM! Guilty, both charges, $220. Thanks for playing! 

Posted by nelson57 at 05:55 AM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

Conspiracy theories aside, they are my favorite theories BTW, cause they can't be proven and sometimes you really don't want to know the truth.  I will never post my conspiracy theories for fear of government retribution, but those of you who know me have heard some of them.

I have a fun theory on dying (oxymoron alert!) Ok when you die and go to heaven and you walk through those pearly gates, give Peter a pound, in my case it would probably be a six step handshake, you are taken to a room with three doors. Behind these doors are one of three things, 1. All the socks you have ever lost in the washing machine, I mean where else do they go! 2. All the sunglasses and hats you have lost in your lifetime.  If anyone has ever found a pair of sunglasses they lost please let me know. True story, I had a pair of Wayfarers that were on my head at the beach, fell asleep, woke up and they were gone and why do we always lose the expensive pair, but the cheapos that you got on the street for five bucks could get thrown into the ocean and the tide would just bring them right back to you. Behind the third door would be all the money you ever lost. Loose change would just come pouring down on top of you if you chose that door.

So I ask you, my sexy readers, this question. What door would you hope you would choose and why?  I myself would want the door with all the money, so that I could buy cool stuff in heaven, like sunglasses or a hat. 

Posted by nelson57 at 02:40 PM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

Now that the Yankees lost in the playoffs, I have no real rooting interests in sports, Dolphins suck, I can't get into hockey anymore, Knicks are an utter mess and I don't follow college football. I went to NYU where we had no Division 1 sports other than fencing (insert joke here). So I will follow my European Soccer and anyone who is on my fantasy football team.

As I was watching the Yankee victory on Sunday night alone, cause we all got together as a group to watch the first 2 games and the Yanks lost. I was eating dinner (chicken Parmesan with spaghetti that I had made just in case any of my sexy readers were wondering) Yes it was really good. Yes, yes I made enough for two in case you were wondering even more. But since I was watching the game alone, I wasn't sharing.

Where was I? Oh yeah the reason why I was watching the game alone was because I was superstitious, I thought that by watching the game alone without anyone else would somehow have an effect on the big picture and somehow the Yanks would figure this out and win because I was watching the game in my apartment on the couch, eating dinner. 

To take it a step further, I was in the middle of dinner when the Yanks were rallying and for those of you who have had the privilege of breaking bread with me know, I eat kinda fast. I mean I eat like my head is on fire and the only way it stops is if I finish the entire plate. So getting back, I was eating dinner when the Yankees were taking the lead and I was finishing when the Yanks were still batting, so I started to think of things to do to prolong dinner; i.e. lick the plate.  So picture this, Johnny Damon is at the plate, me licking my plate clean, Damon hits a homer, Yanks win the game! If anyone can't see how I effected the outcome of that game, they got to be crazy. 

Posted by nelson57 at 02:28 PM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)