Tomorrow We Eat SanGwiches

Back in college, whenever my buddies or I said that Rachel came to pay us a visit, we were referring to any situation where race is an issue.  You see "Rachel" was code for "racial". Corny I know, but you had to be there and if you refer to racially heated situations in a female sense, it tends to chill it out a little bit.

This week Don Imus a nyc radio personality, who hasn't been relevant to anyone under the age of 50 for about 20 years, got fired from his job as a morning disc jockey for calling the Rutgers University women's basketball team a "bunch of nappy headed ho's"  Why do we care? We shouldn't, Imus should have been put out to pasture a long time ago, but guess what, he made money for people. Specifically his employers.  Don Imus made his bosses at CBS about 15 million dollars annually.  So it kinda makes him a big deal.

The funny thing is that it took CBS about 2 weeks to act on this and fire Imus. Strange they didn't fire or suspend after the comment was made, it was only after Imus' sponsors, the people who pay that $15 million dollars pulled their advertising from the show, because these companies kowtowed to public outcry. Read: about one hundred vocal people, probably black, probably led by the reverend al sharpton or blowhards like him, who would rather sit up on their high perch and pass judgment rather than help their own people.  Don Imus went on al sharpton's "radio show" this week to apologize to everyone, I use quotation marks because his show is not carried in New York City over the airwaves, just the internet, which makes him as much listened to as I would be if I screamed out the window of my apartment building. 

Needless to say al roasted him, Imus did not know what hit him. Imus could've have just gone on 60 minutes and spoke to Ed Bradley, shit I just remembered, he's dead.  OK, maybe he could've gone on Oprah, wait she's only black when it suits her. OK, maybe al is the only person left and it does allow al to be relevant for another 15 minutes for what he perceives as doing the right thing. It is better than what al normally does, which is accuse an innocent white guy of raping 15 year old black girl. Or incite race riots in Brooklyn. I'm sorry I got a little sidetracked.  My point is that Don Imus didn't get fired for hurling a racial epithet, hell I have heard much worse things than that at the dinner table at my family's house during the holidays.  He got fired because sponsors pulled their advertising dollars from the station and Imus was no longer making CBS money.  Now excuse while I look up al sharpton's internet radio show and write a letter to the penis lengthening pills that seem to sponsor every other stupid internet site out there.

Posted by nelson57 at 11:49 PM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

New York Times, Monday April 9, 2007 we finally get an article that basically outlines a code of conduct for blogging and talkbacks on the internet.  Let me break it down for you in one sentence, DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE! 

If you can believe this, there are some people who use the internet to say things to other people that they don't have the balls or ovaries.  I am completely shocked and partially dismayed, you mean to tell me that there are bitter people out there that get their jollies from shitting on other people's parades. Are there people who sit at their computer naked surfing the web for free porn for 12 hours a day who will say anything because there is no fear of reprecussion? No come on, you gots to be kidding me!

I want to give you the basic profile of these people:  90% of them are males below the age of 18 have not gotten laid their entire lives, and no! using the vagina taken from a mold of your favorite porn star does not count, IQ is probably in the low 90's but they do know how to make the words EAT ME SHITHEAD! appear on your website 10,000 times in an hour.  Which is something I can't do, so in that way I am kinda envious.

But the weird thing about it is when you open yourself up in a public forum like this and expose views on a platform that wasn't readily available to people 20 years ago, guess what? There are going to be ASSHOLES! Assholes.  Just like the beginning of the theme to "The Facts of Life" T.V. Show says, "You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have: The Facts of Life Da Dah! The Facts of Life Da Dah!" (you will now have this song in your head for the rest of the day) This is shit that you are going to have to deal with and if you are not strong enough to deal with these mental and emotional midgets, get the fuck out and leave Al Gore's invention to us assholes.

Asshole Alert! Asshole Alert!  Don't forget to vote for Sanjaya Malakar, if he wins, we all win! 

Posted by nelson57 at 09:44 PM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

Whenever you hear the names Seymour or Myron, what do you think of?  An old man right? He's probably Jewish and wears glasses so thick that if he looked into a map he could see people waving back at him. When you hear the name Dick, what do you think of?  On second thought, don't answer that. 

This brings me to my point, noone is never going to give their child these names anymore and these names will just fade away from history., yes I know Dick is short for Richard and whoever came up with that nickname definitely had a futuristic sense of irony. I can only think of one person who actually prefers to be called Dick.  Mr. Cheney congratulations! Now Seymour and Myron aren't the most handsome of male names mainly because of the image that pops into your head when you hear it. 

My name is Nelson, I wasn't named after anyone in my family, hell I wasn't even given a middle name.  What kind of image pops into your head when you hear that: If you are over the age of 40 you think of Nelson Rockefeller. If you are between 24 and 35, you think of Nelson Mandela, If you are younger than that you get Nelson Muntz, the bully from the Simpsons. "HA HA!"  Which is what my younger cousins say to me when they see me.  So does that mean when their generation starts to have kids they aren't going to name their children Nelson cause they don't want to have to say, "HA HA!" every time they call out for their child. 

Posted by nelson57 at 08:33 AM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

A movement is afoot, and this movement is to make Sanjaya Malakar the next American Idol.  Why? you may ask, well it is not because he is the villain on the show and that if he went away, the show would not be fun to watch, its because he sucks a singer and if he wound up winning the whole thing it would be a big F.U. to television and all of the over hype this show gets.  Howard Stern and the website www.votefortheworst.com have already thrown their ponyhawks into the ring and now I have as well.

I must admit, I watch Idol just about every week and this season is the worst out of all of them,  there are no hot girls to look at and all of them can't sing except one, Melinda Doolittle. Its too bad that she looks like Shrek.  Just click on both links and tell me I'm wrong, it took me two weeks to figure that one out. 

So please vote for Sanjaya, the producers of American Idol will have a kitten if it comes down to him and Shrek, because if he actually won, it would be the end of the show because Simon Cowell has already go on record saying that he would quit and without him there is no show, he is the true villain of the show and one of the reasons everyone tunes in.

Shrek already has enough popularity that if she was voted off the show she would be signed by a record company immediately, but Sanjaya needs all of our help.  Sanjaya should just keep going out there week after week sing his ambiguously gay ass off and revel in it, don't play it down, play it up, more people will get it and the "Sanjaya Malakar Movement" can really take off.

Posted by nelson57 at 09:47 PM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

Every year, I have a running bet with my best friend Tom with the NCAA men's basketball tournament and due to Florida's win over UCLA, I lost and now have to go to www.eileenandtomswedding.com and buy them $300 worth of crap. 

Ok back story, in the umpteen years that I have been betting with Tom I have probably lost 5 bets to him, meanwhile Tom has bought me just about every piece of electronic equipment in my house, save for my new TV.  If we had to put a dollar figure on it I would say it has got to be over $5,000 worth of crap that I would never buy for myself, but it is quite alright if Tom buys it for me.  I was on a rather formidable winning streak about three years ago where I was referring to Tom as "my sugar daddy".  Shit I didn't even have to sleep with him!  But I guess shit has to even out sometime.

Since I am in the wedding party, I was really hoping to not even go to the website, just give em cash, wear my tuxedo, say my speech (still working on it BTW)  I want it to be a cross of Will Ferrell's Old School's best man speech and a George Bush press conference where a reporter asks him a question and he'll answer a completeley different question although he'll say it with such conviction that the reporter just shuts up and moves on.

Please feel free to visit the site and peruse upon the many things that I can buy Eileen and Tom,  and let me know what you think I should get them for $300 dollars or $325, the extra $25 would have been my actual gift to them.  I have to save my money in case I start to lose more bets to him.

Posted by nelson57 at 01:44 PM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)